Easy ways to fill your life with joy

So, here's the deal: a lot of people think that therapy means getting torn apart and unleashing a flood of misery. That idea mostly comes from old-school psychology, which focuses on problems and disorders. But then along comes Martin Seligman, who starts up the positive psychology movement.  Instead of dwelling on the negative things going on in your life , it's all about boosting wellbeing, building resilience, and bouncing back. Now, hold up! This isn't about slapping on a fake smile and pretending everything's going swimmingly. It's more about facing life's challenges head-on, while still finding moments of joy and strength. Picture this: you're mourning a loss, but you still take a sec to admire cherry blossoms or feel the warmth of the sun on your face.

I'll dive into how to handle and make room for all our feelings in another article, but for now, here are some key ideas from positive psychology that I use in my therapy work:

1.     Plan a morning positive statement or intention and look forward to starting your day with it – especially if it’s going to be hard day eg. “Today I will look for good moments and take time to enjoy them” or “May I be open to joy today” (even if there is adversity going on In your life – remember the two can live side by side – we don’t need to unpack and live at any adversity we may be going through.

2.     Turn routine into ritual  - for example don’t drink your morning tea or coffee on autopilot – make it a mindful experience and take time to savour the smell, taste, the feelings it evokes whilst drinking it. Really focus on it.

3.     Find joy in the everyday- think of 3 normal everyday things you can look forward to tomorrow – it can be a bath or a walk or taking time to sit down and enjoy lunch.

4.     Come off autopilot – This is a mindset shift – we are all guilty of sleepwalking through making dinner or driving to work without thinking – these can either be seen as chores or we can shift our perspective and for example focus on the nourishment we are nurturing our bodies with when cooking, or appreciating the cherry blossom buds on a familiar road. These “glimmers” can train our minds to pay more attention to joy.

5.     Avoid mindtraps – To shift to a more joyful outlook, you must first identify your own negative thought patterns. There are in total 18 maladaptive schemas that we identify in therapy and guide clients through. Catastrophising is an example – we may find ourselves over thinking and investing in a negative outcome rather than reminding ourselves this is one outcome out of many. This is a misguided attempt at control which in reality can be exhausting and pointless.  “shoulds’ are another trap – eg “I should have a more thriving social life.” Why should you? Explore these shoulds – is it Fomo, is it pressure from family, social media etc. 

6.     Put plans in writing perhaps with a deadline by which to achieve them – this will take away the vague I’ll get round to it and then disappointment that you never seem to do anything.

7.     Keep a joy journal – Note down what has made you happy that day, week or month. That way you can plan more of it in the future.

8.     Get moving – If you have no motivation in the morning, be intentional and hold yourself accountable to just 10 minutes of walking, stretching or dancing (basically any movement) to get your blood pumping to your brain and around your body. Motivation follows action!

9.     Go for a mindful walk – Be aware of what’s around you – the sound of birdsong, the buds on the trees, the smell of freshly cut grass. Try and engage all your senses.

10.  Find joy in nature

11.  Do something creative – there are 7 different types of rest. We traditionally think of  rest as lying down or sitting down but research has shown again and again the positive impact of creativity on our mental health. You don’t need to be artistic – this is not about the output or results but about the process!

12.  Challenge yourself to try something new – we can fall into a rut as our daily patterns and habits, often picked up from our childhood, are familiar and comforting. We can run the danger of stagnating if we are not aware of this. Book a new class or a workshop – learning something new can add a spark of excitement to the week.